


2012

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2012, Ficlet, Fix-It, M/M, Yikes, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-22 18:53:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4846547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he’s not angry at you - he’s angry at himself and at the world and even the fans, especially the fans. he loves you. he doesn’t tell you that anymore - not as often, and it doesn’t feel as real – but you know, you know, he loves you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	2012

he’s not angry at you - he’s angry at himself and at the world and even the fans, especially the fans. he loves you. he doesn’t tell you that anymore - not as often, and it doesn’t feel as real – but you know, you know, he loves you.

if you were braver maybe you’d say something to him, but you aren’t and you can’t because this isn’t your battle to win. sometimes you resent him for making it seem like you have to fight. 

he’s not angry at you but you’re angry at him for being ashamed of what you have. it didn’t use to be like this. you learn that dwelling on things that have passed doesn’t get you anywhere. 

you think about breaking up with him just so you can do it before he does. you think about it a lot, but you also watch your fist video together during those nights. you know you can’t and won’t leave this boy. because you promised him and because you have never loved so dearly.

sometimes he’ll say he has something to tell you and you prepare yourself for the end, the inevitable break up speech that he’s been thinking about while he’s in his own room at night and not in your bed like he used to . you’re not sure why, but the words never actually leave his mouth.

you watch some parts of his liveshows, he seems off - but happy nevertheless. reasonable happy. some people still ask about ‘Phan’ and your breath catches in your throat every time he answers with a frown, annoyance clear on his face. 

you sit him down one night, just to talk. you want to be there for him even though he doesn’t love you anymore. not like you have and always will love him. but panic rises in his eyes and it takes you by surprise. please don’t break up with me, is the first thing he says when he sits down next to you. I’ll get better again. I promise. he looks younger than usual and you feel the urge to embrace this boy that you love, and make him feel whole again. 

he opens up again, a bit. he lets you in like he used to and lets you see broken pieces of himself that you foolishly thought you fixed a long time ago.

‘I’m sorry I love you I’m sorry I love you I’m sorry’

It gets better after that night. he sleeps in your room again. 

he’ll kiss you first and won’t be the first to break away. 

he’s still angry, but at least you know – he isn’t angry at you.

**Author's Note:**

> ahhhh this is so crappy and short i was just thinking about 2012 phan and wanted to hug phil


End file.
